“People don’t get excited about burdens being laid on their back, they get excited about a burden-lifter,” said Piper. “They get excited about a God infinitely worthy of their allegiance and their worship. So my counsel is, put very little emphasis on programs in the church. Rather, put a huge emphasis on heralding and exulting over the greatness of God, the unsearchable riches of Christ, the glories of our salvation, the wonders of the Bible, and weave into that a life of prayer for your people that God would give them a taste for this glory so that they don’t feel forced. You don’t want service because you have twisted their arm into it. You want service that is overflowing out of joy in God.”


No better way to put this ^. The entire process was exasperating and frustrating and I felt so tired b'cos even though it was a community thing, it felt like a committee thing. I say process because it did not involve just today, but it was a long process that started way back, tho in the end it still felt last minute. /facepalm

I don't know where to start. But after talking to Vic, I realised one thing - there is a lack of trust in my relationship with God (as in, I don't trust God :<) And that is really very upsetting :< Pride (putting myself above God) has been a issue in my life for like a thousand years, and obviously it is still an issue.

This morning, I was clearly on my toes as it seemed like I had a million things to do. Looking back, I was being such a Martha. I was doing everything when really all I should do was to prayerfully prepare my heart for worship. But then again, I couldn't since we had to practice for the mass song offering.

It's funny since I got myself into this sticky situation b'cos we kind of made everyone present the song without knowing whether their hearts were in the right place. So I should have expected dat deadpan response (edit: referring to the practice we had 10 min before service started - not really the actual offering). Time was tight, and we had to move quickly.

I made many excuses for myself. I was so annoyed - b'cos no one bothered stepping up to lead the song (it wasn't really supposed to be under me), and no one bothered stepping up to coordinate the cellebrate team (from the start it wasn't supposed to be under me either). I suppose you can already feel my frustration from reading this, haha, but don't worry obviously this is not a pointing fingers blaming others post, press on to the end to find out hehe :>

All this while, I was so frustrated b'cos the lack of support from my peers, which I stubbornly believed led to a depletion of the joy I had in serving. Innately, I shifted the blame to others simply b'cos no. 1 mr pride was knocking on my door as usual and no. 2 I was so sure of myself that I was relying on God for strength and doing this for Him.

But dundundun... I couldn't reconcile the fact that even though I continuously looked to God, I could not experience the joy I had in serving. Is it b'cos I didn't pray desperately enough???? Or did I not try hard enough??? Or is it b'cos in the first place I did not know that joy??? Very confusing and very, very frustrating.

So talking to Vic just now, I realised that it just boils down to... personal management skills? HAHA whaaAAAaaat? You know, we cannot control the external factors (how people will respond, whether things will go smoothly etc.) but we can control the internal factors (how we respond to God, how we respond to the situation etc.) Vic was telling me she was also placed in a stressful position - our worship team was down to just 6 people with a lack of musicians and she had to be the pianist for practically every song today. Choosing the songs were also difficult b'cos she had to cater to WS1 oldies, WS2 young adultlings and cellebrate new friends. In her words, "I could have chosen to hate the world (LOLOLOL)," but she didn't. Instead, she chose to see that God would give her strength and provide in the situation. She made use of what she was given and let God do the rest.

In that sense, my situation was the exact opposite of hers. I was given too much (to handle). I wish I could say that I made use of what I was given and let God do the rest. But I can't. Hm, honestly there are times when I still feel bitter over the fact that everything piled up on the worship committee and that in looking to Him for provision, I got silence.

So this morning, even though my heart yearned so much for the community to serve with joy and gladness, it seemed that they were doing it more out of obligation and dread (edit: during the practice it did seem like it - perhaps not for the real thing). But yeah, all in all, if you see it from my position, it doesn't work out at all - I yearned so much for others to serve with joy, but I was coming from a place where I did not have the joy in me. Depleted max.

Regardless, it was clear that God sustained me with a strength greater than no other. I am extremely grateful I didn't come out of this hating the church and wanting to quit. Even more so, I came out of this desiring even more to be the mouthpiece and tool for Him to help His children draw closer to Him. We often talk about evangelising to our friends, but sometimes evangelism really begins with those in our midst, and most of all, ourselves.

The next step of my journey begins with me learning to trust with all my heart that He is the Maker and the Provider. In being tested, I now really understand what it means to say that "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with song I praise Him." (Ps 28:7 NIV)

This reminds me of something I just read!!!

“Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. ... We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means—the only complete realist.” ― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

And so this brings me back to John Piper's article, on how in getting people to serve, we should first direct them - not to what they're supposed to do - but really what has been done for them by Christ. That is just so important and perhaps this is where we (or I) fall short this Youth Sunday. Well, actually this not only affects Youth Sunday song presentation blablabla, but in every aspect of our community - like, for the rest of our lives I guess, haha. We say XS is family? But is it really? How can we teach and empower others to serve God and each other better? (RE: John Piper's article - The Art Of Motivation #legit)

He knows His people more than I do. And I am His building project more than the community is mine. Lesson learnt - tho I am truly in a freaking ass war with this world, I'm not giving up only b'cos Jesus chose me to be on His side.